She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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