im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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