I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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