Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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