just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't put those talents on a resume
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
