Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
