How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
