My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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