Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
