How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All the doctor said was why
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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