pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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