i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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