i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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