I accidentally burped into my bong.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
