you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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