i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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