glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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