An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
