defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
