you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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