I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
