In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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