they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
