Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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