Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
