Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
