Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The ass gains better be worth it
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