I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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