Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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