I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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