I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
