somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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