Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
