Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
