ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
