I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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