i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
