I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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