I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that's an acceptable place to lick
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
