cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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