I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
