Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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