YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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