I just pynch a tree in the face
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
