My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
