if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
