I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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