We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize