First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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