Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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