Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
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I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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