Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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