girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
there is puke in my bra ... again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
