made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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