I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
