I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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