Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
