wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize