Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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