I love black thongs
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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