I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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