I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
