You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
