Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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