he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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