Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
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You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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