Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
