all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
