I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.