ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
