Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
